Just a little free verse poem I felt like putting up... I wrote this by flashlight from the unwanted shelter of my shed sometime in summer of 2004. That evening we had a brilliant display of lightning to go along with our wind and rain, and I spent quite a bit of time outside that night. I really needed an escape that night, so it felt like that storm was there just for me. Apart from sentimental value, the poem isn't really that good, but, surprisingly, it isn't angst-ridden. As a sidenote, I hate parts of my journal where I didn't bother to record anything because I was too messed up at the time.
Lightning
Lightning dances,
Just beyond my reach.
Wild and free,
Tauntingly
It plays across my dreams.
Thunder,
Lightning's twin,
Crashes all around,
The power and nerve
That runs beside its brother.
Rain,
My own twin,
Softly touches me,
Enveloping me in its arms,
Whispering comfort with its kiss.
I rest,
Listening and watching
As my friends come to sit with me.
I am grateful
For their sweet company.
I actually rewrote this and put it into my poetry packet almost two years later, so I guess I'll put that version here, too. I think this one is a bit better, but it has a pretty different tone. I should do a rewrite in the original tone sometime.
Storm
The midnight sky blazes to life,
white-burning lightning racing
across my vision.
The hushed air suddenly reverberates
as thunder envelops me, shaking
my insignificant frame.
My hot skin rejoices
as it feels the cool raindrops splash
into my red, swollen eyes
and mingle with my tears.
~Paul
29 September 2005
"Gah! No! It's not a villanelle! It's a poem!"
He was actually right. My humanities professor was right. I didn't think he'd be wrong, because I've had previous experience to support his statement. I can still be awestruck and indignant that he was right, though. He said that after learning about all the techniques used in movies, we would be unable to watch a movie and simply enjoy it. We would analyze it to death.
So here I am, watching my Harry Potter music videos and, out of the blue, "Hey! That's a dissolve! It's sort of like a fade, except without the black screen inbetween. It momentarily leaves a superimposed image. It connects the scenes, makes it fluid, and also has cool emotional effects. That tracking shot as Harry and Hermione rush to hug each other puts the focus on them, as everything else is completely blurred out as the camera movies alongside Hermione. The blurring also creates the illusion of incredible speed as they fly eagerly into each other's arms. Nice high-angle long shot of the scene where Hermione and Harry are sitting in the snow together and Ron's standing about thirty feet away, on the outside looking in. One shot conveyed that. Here the camera trembling gives us familiar physical association to the amount of power emanating from Harry as he summons a Patronus. That panning high-angle shot was done at a moment when Harry was feeling very weak and vulnerable; it allows us to take in the Forbidden Forest's gloomy mood along with and enhancing his. A rack focus and a tracking shot are combined to draw attention to Harry's hasty retreat, even though Trelawney is making little motions in the background. Here we use a shot from directly in front of the characters, along with a tracking shot, to give the action a very intense feel as they rush about, dodging the Womping Willow. Had it been a long shot, the action would seem much more calm and strategic. It also gives us ample opportunity to see them hold hands as they dodge." It goes on and on.
This happened with Music Theory, with AP Literature, with the Hero's Journey, with Physics, with orchestra.... with everything, in fact, that allows for analysis of methods or patterns. We all have this tendency. As we understand more of the basic principles, we begin using that knowledge to understand the applications we see. As we understand the application, we can use it to create or plan our own works. And this isn't just for music, books, and videos. It goes for anything. Emotion, cognitive processes, history.
So what am I trying to say? Nothing, really. I'm just reiterating something that we all knew already. But you have to admit, it's freaking cool when first happens to you with a particular medium.
~Paul
So here I am, watching my Harry Potter music videos and, out of the blue, "Hey! That's a dissolve! It's sort of like a fade, except without the black screen inbetween. It momentarily leaves a superimposed image. It connects the scenes, makes it fluid, and also has cool emotional effects. That tracking shot as Harry and Hermione rush to hug each other puts the focus on them, as everything else is completely blurred out as the camera movies alongside Hermione. The blurring also creates the illusion of incredible speed as they fly eagerly into each other's arms. Nice high-angle long shot of the scene where Hermione and Harry are sitting in the snow together and Ron's standing about thirty feet away, on the outside looking in. One shot conveyed that. Here the camera trembling gives us familiar physical association to the amount of power emanating from Harry as he summons a Patronus. That panning high-angle shot was done at a moment when Harry was feeling very weak and vulnerable; it allows us to take in the Forbidden Forest's gloomy mood along with and enhancing his. A rack focus and a tracking shot are combined to draw attention to Harry's hasty retreat, even though Trelawney is making little motions in the background. Here we use a shot from directly in front of the characters, along with a tracking shot, to give the action a very intense feel as they rush about, dodging the Womping Willow. Had it been a long shot, the action would seem much more calm and strategic. It also gives us ample opportunity to see them hold hands as they dodge." It goes on and on.
This happened with Music Theory, with AP Literature, with the Hero's Journey, with Physics, with orchestra.... with everything, in fact, that allows for analysis of methods or patterns. We all have this tendency. As we understand more of the basic principles, we begin using that knowledge to understand the applications we see. As we understand the application, we can use it to create or plan our own works. And this isn't just for music, books, and videos. It goes for anything. Emotion, cognitive processes, history.
So what am I trying to say? Nothing, really. I'm just reiterating something that we all knew already. But you have to admit, it's freaking cool when first happens to you with a particular medium.
~Paul
25 September 2005
What Really Happened In German Class....
I am periodically reminded that people tend to have bigger problems than I do; this always has the nice little effect of cutting any of my pity fiestas short.
In high school, my German class often served this purpose. I sat at a table with a very interesting group of classmates. One person was pregneant for part of the year, had a great tendency toward drugs and drunkenness, missed a few weeks of school to serve jail time, and managed to break her parole in six different ways. On top of this, she had no emotional bonds to speak of with her family and usually had to live elsewhere. Another person had divorced parents. He once told me that he could down nineteen ounces of vodka and not even get a buzz. He also once advised me, after wincing and grasping at his side, to stay away from masochism, the type involving razors. He said it hurts and is stupid.
Here at college, I've had a few more of these experiences when talking to a man on my floor. He had a great tendency to get into fights at his hometown, usually one or two a week, which he never told his parents about. He often wears black and hasn't told anyone his name in years. When he went to the campus counseling center, he ended up being placed with one of the better college faculty memgbers instead of basic counselors or psychology grad students. He wondered aloud to me where the line is between stupidity and just not wanting to see a counselor.
I've dealt with lots of people for whom professional help would be a good idea, but not absolutely necessary. I've also dealt with a few people who, I knew, absolutely needed help to function. I'm fortunate enough to have wonderful friends and to normally not go any deeper than counseling being a strongly recommended option.
I've always been taught that we will not have to suffer more than we can bear, run faster than we have strength, be tempted above what we can withstand, or be destroyed beyond healing. I believe this, if only because Christ is ready to augment our own strength with his guidance and grace, and He has infinite strength with which to bear us up. We don't always use our full endurance, though, because we humans are very prone to both not doing all we can do and not relying on Christ as we should, in whatever form we know Him. Because we don't use either source to the fullest, people shatter. Hearts break. Lives and souls are destroyed. Light goes out.
Keep that light alive, and let it shine. It's the only way, really. If we lose hope, life is pointless. We weren't sent here to live pointless lives.
~Paul
In high school, my German class often served this purpose. I sat at a table with a very interesting group of classmates. One person was pregneant for part of the year, had a great tendency toward drugs and drunkenness, missed a few weeks of school to serve jail time, and managed to break her parole in six different ways. On top of this, she had no emotional bonds to speak of with her family and usually had to live elsewhere. Another person had divorced parents. He once told me that he could down nineteen ounces of vodka and not even get a buzz. He also once advised me, after wincing and grasping at his side, to stay away from masochism, the type involving razors. He said it hurts and is stupid.
Here at college, I've had a few more of these experiences when talking to a man on my floor. He had a great tendency to get into fights at his hometown, usually one or two a week, which he never told his parents about. He often wears black and hasn't told anyone his name in years. When he went to the campus counseling center, he ended up being placed with one of the better college faculty memgbers instead of basic counselors or psychology grad students. He wondered aloud to me where the line is between stupidity and just not wanting to see a counselor.
I've dealt with lots of people for whom professional help would be a good idea, but not absolutely necessary. I've also dealt with a few people who, I knew, absolutely needed help to function. I'm fortunate enough to have wonderful friends and to normally not go any deeper than counseling being a strongly recommended option.
I've always been taught that we will not have to suffer more than we can bear, run faster than we have strength, be tempted above what we can withstand, or be destroyed beyond healing. I believe this, if only because Christ is ready to augment our own strength with his guidance and grace, and He has infinite strength with which to bear us up. We don't always use our full endurance, though, because we humans are very prone to both not doing all we can do and not relying on Christ as we should, in whatever form we know Him. Because we don't use either source to the fullest, people shatter. Hearts break. Lives and souls are destroyed. Light goes out.
Keep that light alive, and let it shine. It's the only way, really. If we lose hope, life is pointless. We weren't sent here to live pointless lives.
~Paul
22 September 2005
"Round up the usual suspects."
I don't really feel like being eloquent, philosophical, or funny today--or, rather, I'm having too much trouble churning any of that out. So, I'll simply do a short plug for a movie I saw today.
Specifically, Casablanca. Ah, I love university-sponsored events. Casablanca made it onto the Honors Great Works list here, so a bunch of English Honors 200 classes got together and watched it.
To completely summarize the rest of my entry, GO WATCH IT.
This is seriously one of the best movies I've ever seen. Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman, and Paul Henreid are amazing both as powerful, human characters and as one of the more intricate and involving love triangles I've seen. As if those three weren't enough, the supporting characters are all amazing. The plot is interesting and well-made. The humor--oh, I love it! Practically everyone involved is fairly well refined and intelligent, so there's an abundance of crafty sarcasm and dry wit that gets along with me quite nicely. I bet all my regular readers (YOU GUYS) would absolutely love this movie.
An aside to BOC42: I think I found the inspiration for Big Daddy Brotherson in Kim Possible! It's Senor Ferrari. "As leader of all illegal activities in Casablanca, I am an influential and respected man." It's so perfect....
~Paul
Specifically, Casablanca. Ah, I love university-sponsored events. Casablanca made it onto the Honors Great Works list here, so a bunch of English Honors 200 classes got together and watched it.
To completely summarize the rest of my entry, GO WATCH IT.
This is seriously one of the best movies I've ever seen. Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman, and Paul Henreid are amazing both as powerful, human characters and as one of the more intricate and involving love triangles I've seen. As if those three weren't enough, the supporting characters are all amazing. The plot is interesting and well-made. The humor--oh, I love it! Practically everyone involved is fairly well refined and intelligent, so there's an abundance of crafty sarcasm and dry wit that gets along with me quite nicely. I bet all my regular readers (YOU GUYS) would absolutely love this movie.
An aside to BOC42: I think I found the inspiration for Big Daddy Brotherson in Kim Possible! It's Senor Ferrari. "As leader of all illegal activities in Casablanca, I am an influential and respected man." It's so perfect....
~Paul
18 September 2005
Stupid Fairies
I can't decide what I want to write about. I know I want to write about something; it's dancing just beyond the edge of my mind, teasing me and telling me to come out and play, knowing full well that I'm stuck right where I am. My muse is a fairy that enjoys flitting about my head, evading my grasp, showing up in my vision as a bright streak of light and a glowing ball that quickly disappears, giggling, into the darkness, leaving me alone and frustrated.
Therefore, I will reach into my ever-present journal and take my blog entry from a more fruitful day of writing. Specifically, last night. It was kind of random, but most things about me are, so this isn't anything new to you people.
Saturday 17 September 2005
I must be tired. I wrote "Saturday" twice and had to scratch one out. I wouldn't be tired at 2:16, once upon a time. Now, I feel less than half awake.
Why is it the sounds in the background are so insistent, anyway? All background is. Most of the human life is concerned with things that are, ultimately, just background noise that breaks our concentration when we try to focus on the important things.
Money is background noise. Jobs are. Laundry is. Eating is. Homework, hobbies, writing, socializing, thinking are. Everything is simple background.
Unless.
Unless you take the activity and fuse it with something bigger than life. Then it becomes important and valuable.
It's 2:22 AM. Do you know where your life is?
~Paul
Therefore, I will reach into my ever-present journal and take my blog entry from a more fruitful day of writing. Specifically, last night. It was kind of random, but most things about me are, so this isn't anything new to you people.
Saturday 17 September 2005
I must be tired. I wrote "Saturday" twice and had to scratch one out. I wouldn't be tired at 2:16, once upon a time. Now, I feel less than half awake.
Why is it the sounds in the background are so insistent, anyway? All background is. Most of the human life is concerned with things that are, ultimately, just background noise that breaks our concentration when we try to focus on the important things.
Money is background noise. Jobs are. Laundry is. Eating is. Homework, hobbies, writing, socializing, thinking are. Everything is simple background.
Unless.
Unless you take the activity and fuse it with something bigger than life. Then it becomes important and valuable.
It's 2:22 AM. Do you know where your life is?
~Paul
15 September 2005
1/\/\ L0z1n9 M1h 1337n3ss
I feel like I've been undergoing a very strange transformation over the past year or so. It's reached critical levels in the past couple of months, but it's been building over time. Me undergoing this particular change is one of the signs of the apocalypse, if I remember correctly. Removing this aspect of me is as significant as removing the fruit from a fruit basket, or a basket case, as may be a better description of me, even if it does make the analogy a bit weird.
I'm a gamer, of sorts. I'm usually behind on the immediately current trends, as I don't buy a constant supply of new games and consoles, so my game collection tends to be a bit old. In fact, I tend toward the really old games, though not Pong old. How many people my age can say they've beaten Bubble Bobble, or Kirby's Adventure--for the original NES, not the remakes and sequels? How many gamers my age have actually played the original Final Fantasy, or Dune2, or Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis, or Prince of Persia, or Scorched Earth, or Out of This World, or Dungeon Master, or Castles 2, or the ultimate RPG of its day, Betrayal at Krondor? How many even know what most of this stuff is? I'm not just enthusiastic about this stuff; I'm obsessed with it.
And I've been steadily losing interest. I download old abandonware, I play for awhile, and I delete it before I even get close to finishing. I run across a promising-looking multiplayer online role playing game, and I play for a few hours, and never go back to it. I bring out Final Fantasy 7 and 8 and don't get past the first disc on either one. I pull out my Warcraft 2 CDs, play the first five or so missions, and take it off. Normally, I would try to install Warcraft 1 first, and only give up when it convinces me that it doesn't run on Windows XP without all sorts of tweaks and tricks. Most recently, I usually don't even try to start games when I get the urge, because I know I'll become supremely dissatisfied with the game almost immediately and quit. I just play a game of Freecell, maybe I'll branch back out into Minesweeper and Pinball soon, and that's plenty of gamage for me.
The only aspect of video games that have interested me much at all lately is the social aspect--that is, if people I'm with want to play, sure, group activities are fun. But if you give me a game and see how long it takes me finish it on my own, you'll be waiting awhile. I didn't even bring any of my games to college. I didn't want them, didn't need them. Even after being separated so long that I would normally get withdrawals, I'm still not clamoring for them. I might log onto Runescape for a few minutes once in awhile, but I usually find something more interesting to do in short order.
I've known for a long time that video games are generally worthless. That fact, though, has more weight with me now. A few consuming obsessions are necessary. That has been my experience, at least. It just seems I could make my selections more wisely. It also seems that a contemplative mind can remain seriously attached to video games for so long before either atrophying or moving on out of disgust; a mind that thinks can only take so much numbing dungeon/installation crawling before needing something healthier.
I don't even feel the same attachment to 1337 anymore! I was surfing around on the net, ran into a page with a poem written entirely in the 1337, and felt an impending headache! I'll still enjoy using 'uber,' as it's so ingrained, I have German training, and it's a running joke with a certain friend who knows exactly who she is. Leetspeak, though, is getting tedious and painful.
So, to translate the title of this post, "I'm Losing My Leetness."
I won't miss it.
~Paul
I'm a gamer, of sorts. I'm usually behind on the immediately current trends, as I don't buy a constant supply of new games and consoles, so my game collection tends to be a bit old. In fact, I tend toward the really old games, though not Pong old. How many people my age can say they've beaten Bubble Bobble, or Kirby's Adventure--for the original NES, not the remakes and sequels? How many gamers my age have actually played the original Final Fantasy, or Dune2, or Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis, or Prince of Persia, or Scorched Earth, or Out of This World, or Dungeon Master, or Castles 2, or the ultimate RPG of its day, Betrayal at Krondor? How many even know what most of this stuff is? I'm not just enthusiastic about this stuff; I'm obsessed with it.
And I've been steadily losing interest. I download old abandonware, I play for awhile, and I delete it before I even get close to finishing. I run across a promising-looking multiplayer online role playing game, and I play for a few hours, and never go back to it. I bring out Final Fantasy 7 and 8 and don't get past the first disc on either one. I pull out my Warcraft 2 CDs, play the first five or so missions, and take it off. Normally, I would try to install Warcraft 1 first, and only give up when it convinces me that it doesn't run on Windows XP without all sorts of tweaks and tricks. Most recently, I usually don't even try to start games when I get the urge, because I know I'll become supremely dissatisfied with the game almost immediately and quit. I just play a game of Freecell, maybe I'll branch back out into Minesweeper and Pinball soon, and that's plenty of gamage for me.
The only aspect of video games that have interested me much at all lately is the social aspect--that is, if people I'm with want to play, sure, group activities are fun. But if you give me a game and see how long it takes me finish it on my own, you'll be waiting awhile. I didn't even bring any of my games to college. I didn't want them, didn't need them. Even after being separated so long that I would normally get withdrawals, I'm still not clamoring for them. I might log onto Runescape for a few minutes once in awhile, but I usually find something more interesting to do in short order.
I've known for a long time that video games are generally worthless. That fact, though, has more weight with me now. A few consuming obsessions are necessary. That has been my experience, at least. It just seems I could make my selections more wisely. It also seems that a contemplative mind can remain seriously attached to video games for so long before either atrophying or moving on out of disgust; a mind that thinks can only take so much numbing dungeon/installation crawling before needing something healthier.
I don't even feel the same attachment to 1337 anymore! I was surfing around on the net, ran into a page with a poem written entirely in the 1337, and felt an impending headache! I'll still enjoy using 'uber,' as it's so ingrained, I have German training, and it's a running joke with a certain friend who knows exactly who she is. Leetspeak, though, is getting tedious and painful.
So, to translate the title of this post, "I'm Losing My Leetness."
I won't miss it.
~Paul
13 September 2005
What Really Happens In Japanese Class
Sensei: Ohayo! (good morning, polite)
Students: Ohayo gozaimasu! (good morning, more polite)
Sensei: Kinoo kyookasho yomimasita? (Did you read your textbook yesterday?)
Students: *blank stares*
Sensei: .... Wakarimasen desita, nee. (You didn't understand, did you.)
Students: *blank stares*
Sensei: *bangs head on wall repeatedly*
Students: *pronounced with crippling American accent* Sumimasen...? (We're sorry....?)
Sensei: ...Itai. (Ow.)
Okay, so the first-year Japanese students aren't as inept as that. In fact, it seems that half my classmates took Japanese courses in high school and able to talk circles around me. This isn't surprising, as there are times when I can barely speak English. All the people who are true first-years, however, do seem lost now and then.
The freaky thing, though, is that when I'm dealing with the poeple in my Japanese class, in or out of the classroom, the laws of physics alter. The very fundamental laws of the universe shift! Possibilities are entirely dependent on arbitrary systems, called plots, which may or may not shift at any given time. The matter of the universe changes its intrinsic identity until everything looks completely different. When I'm around my Japanese classmates, I leave this reality and step into an Anime!
Apart from the whole ignoring of physical impossibilities, like robots, super martial artists, magic, and all sorts of things like that, anime isn't that different from reality--at least, not much more than our own television shows are. And let's admit it: we've all felt like we were in a scripted plot at times. There are certain characters in anime and manga that you usually won't find in other mediums, though.... So, if I'm having one of those "I'm In a Really Bad Fanfiction" moments, and one of my classmates is acting like the super-hyper/happy-weird schoolgirl any good anime school drama has (they usually have several dozen, in fact), I'm going to feel like I'm in a Really Bad Anime Fanfiction.
It's Not A Happy Feeling.
I always knew I'd only seen a small fraction of anime, but it took my classmates to make me feel so utterly lost concerning anime. The people who take Japanese are usually die hard fans. And some of these people are acting like the characters. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THE SUPER-HYPER/HAPPY-WEIRD SCHOOLGIRL ANIME CHARACTER. I DON'T HAVE THE TRAINING.
If you want to take Japanese, absorb lots of anime, or you won't know how to deal with these people. If, however, you value sanity, or at least your form of it, DON'T TAKE JAPANESE.
~Paul
Students: Ohayo gozaimasu! (good morning, more polite)
Sensei: Kinoo kyookasho yomimasita? (Did you read your textbook yesterday?)
Students: *blank stares*
Sensei: .... Wakarimasen desita, nee. (You didn't understand, did you.)
Students: *blank stares*
Sensei: *bangs head on wall repeatedly*
Students: *pronounced with crippling American accent* Sumimasen...? (We're sorry....?)
Sensei: ...Itai. (Ow.)
Okay, so the first-year Japanese students aren't as inept as that. In fact, it seems that half my classmates took Japanese courses in high school and able to talk circles around me. This isn't surprising, as there are times when I can barely speak English. All the people who are true first-years, however, do seem lost now and then.
The freaky thing, though, is that when I'm dealing with the poeple in my Japanese class, in or out of the classroom, the laws of physics alter. The very fundamental laws of the universe shift! Possibilities are entirely dependent on arbitrary systems, called plots, which may or may not shift at any given time. The matter of the universe changes its intrinsic identity until everything looks completely different. When I'm around my Japanese classmates, I leave this reality and step into an Anime!
Apart from the whole ignoring of physical impossibilities, like robots, super martial artists, magic, and all sorts of things like that, anime isn't that different from reality--at least, not much more than our own television shows are. And let's admit it: we've all felt like we were in a scripted plot at times. There are certain characters in anime and manga that you usually won't find in other mediums, though.... So, if I'm having one of those "I'm In a Really Bad Fanfiction" moments, and one of my classmates is acting like the super-hyper/happy-weird schoolgirl any good anime school drama has (they usually have several dozen, in fact), I'm going to feel like I'm in a Really Bad Anime Fanfiction.
It's Not A Happy Feeling.
I always knew I'd only seen a small fraction of anime, but it took my classmates to make me feel so utterly lost concerning anime. The people who take Japanese are usually die hard fans. And some of these people are acting like the characters. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THE SUPER-HYPER/HAPPY-WEIRD SCHOOLGIRL ANIME CHARACTER. I DON'T HAVE THE TRAINING.
If you want to take Japanese, absorb lots of anime, or you won't know how to deal with these people. If, however, you value sanity, or at least your form of it, DON'T TAKE JAPANESE.
~Paul
11 September 2005
Lists Calm, Lists Sooth, Lists Are Good!
John Taylor Gatto, an English teacher who received New York state's Teacher of the Year award, wrote "The Six-Lesson Schoolteacher" to explore six destructive habits and attitudes that are pounded into kids' heads in their K-12 years. The one relevant to my rant here is the second lesson. To directly quote the article,
Perhaps he's overdoing it a little in his description, perhaps not. All I know now, though, is that suddenly, shockingly, I AM NOW ENCOURAGED TO MAKE MY OWN PRIORITIES! I ditch high school and go to college and, all of a sudden, NO ONE is telling me what's most important in terms of my schooling. I ended up doing a bit of prioritizing in high school, of course. But now, if I feel that I need to ditch a class to spend more time on another one, no one's there to rebuke me. I will still suffer consequences, of course--I will have to catch up, if possible, at a later time. But no one will try to stop me; they all just stand back and let me choose, rather than making me fight my way through them if I want to make a decison.
In fact, I'm exercising that prioritizing ability this weekend. As I mentioned before, I'm reading my textbook for my physical science class in preparation for the challenge test on Monday. Do you think I have time to read my humanities chapters, or my English assignment, or my Japanese assignment, while I'm trying to read around thirty chapters of physical science? Uh uh. I have done NONE of my homework for my other classes. In fact, in English, we don't even have to turn anything in until the last day of class. And if I sound like an idiot in Japanese tomorrow, so be it. I sound like an idiot in Japanese anyway, of course, but this time it's my choice, which is some comfort.
And now, here I am, suddenly in a position where I call my own shots and consequences with a freedom and responsibility never before experienced. If I tried to do it in high school, there was always the nagging insistence from every side that eventually made me comply to the overall pattern of school out of sheer irritation.
The sudden shift in responsibility, I think, can be explained by the reasons people are sent to school. Not why they go to school, but why they are sent. Some people do indeed go to K-12 school because they enjoy it or want an education. Others, because of their social life. Most, however, are there because someone told them to go there. Why, though, are they sent? Because it's the law. Mommy and Daddy get thrown in jail if their child doesn't get some form of schooling approved by the state; generally, this is attendance at a public school. If a kid is in school only because he's ordered there, can he really be expected to take control of his own academic destiny and seek a fulfilling education? No. He can be expected to sulk and to expend energy only when prompted, or trained to do it by habit. Thus, it is up to the state to plan his academic career and make him travel the path, with certain amount of electives required of them to make sure they don't turn into quite exact clones of each other. And if there is a student who really wants to be there and learn, well--the system would be extremely inefficient if it took time to identify everyone who really wanted to be there and tailored a plan for each one, so it just makes them conform to the preplanned system.
But now--there is no law requiring us to be here. College students go to school because we want to continue an education and learn, or at least because we've been trained to think we have to in order to survive in the world. Personally, I'm still here because I would die screaming if I stopped learning (which is actually a different reason than why I initially came here--maybe I'll rant about that sometime). Either way, we can be expected to put out a significantly greater amount of energy than the standard K-12 student would. Greater interest, greater effort, and thus greater trustworthiness when it comes to our own academic well-being.
And it rocks hard!
~Paul
The second lesson I teach kids is to turn on and off like a light switch. I demand that they become totally involved in my lessons, jumping up and down in their seats with anticipation, competing vigorously with each other for my favor. But when the bell rings I insist that they drop the work at once and proceed quickly to the next work station. Nothing important is ever finished in my class, nor in any other class I know of.
The lesson of bells is that no work is worth finishing, so why care too deeply about anything? Bells are the secret logic of schooltime; their argument is inexorable; bells destroy past and future, converting every interval into a sameness, as an abstract map
makes every living mountain and river the same even though they are not. Bells
inoculate each undertaking with indifference.
Perhaps he's overdoing it a little in his description, perhaps not. All I know now, though, is that suddenly, shockingly, I AM NOW ENCOURAGED TO MAKE MY OWN PRIORITIES! I ditch high school and go to college and, all of a sudden, NO ONE is telling me what's most important in terms of my schooling. I ended up doing a bit of prioritizing in high school, of course. But now, if I feel that I need to ditch a class to spend more time on another one, no one's there to rebuke me. I will still suffer consequences, of course--I will have to catch up, if possible, at a later time. But no one will try to stop me; they all just stand back and let me choose, rather than making me fight my way through them if I want to make a decison.
In fact, I'm exercising that prioritizing ability this weekend. As I mentioned before, I'm reading my textbook for my physical science class in preparation for the challenge test on Monday. Do you think I have time to read my humanities chapters, or my English assignment, or my Japanese assignment, while I'm trying to read around thirty chapters of physical science? Uh uh. I have done NONE of my homework for my other classes. In fact, in English, we don't even have to turn anything in until the last day of class. And if I sound like an idiot in Japanese tomorrow, so be it. I sound like an idiot in Japanese anyway, of course, but this time it's my choice, which is some comfort.
And now, here I am, suddenly in a position where I call my own shots and consequences with a freedom and responsibility never before experienced. If I tried to do it in high school, there was always the nagging insistence from every side that eventually made me comply to the overall pattern of school out of sheer irritation.
The sudden shift in responsibility, I think, can be explained by the reasons people are sent to school. Not why they go to school, but why they are sent. Some people do indeed go to K-12 school because they enjoy it or want an education. Others, because of their social life. Most, however, are there because someone told them to go there. Why, though, are they sent? Because it's the law. Mommy and Daddy get thrown in jail if their child doesn't get some form of schooling approved by the state; generally, this is attendance at a public school. If a kid is in school only because he's ordered there, can he really be expected to take control of his own academic destiny and seek a fulfilling education? No. He can be expected to sulk and to expend energy only when prompted, or trained to do it by habit. Thus, it is up to the state to plan his academic career and make him travel the path, with certain amount of electives required of them to make sure they don't turn into quite exact clones of each other. And if there is a student who really wants to be there and learn, well--the system would be extremely inefficient if it took time to identify everyone who really wanted to be there and tailored a plan for each one, so it just makes them conform to the preplanned system.
But now--there is no law requiring us to be here. College students go to school because we want to continue an education and learn, or at least because we've been trained to think we have to in order to survive in the world. Personally, I'm still here because I would die screaming if I stopped learning (which is actually a different reason than why I initially came here--maybe I'll rant about that sometime). Either way, we can be expected to put out a significantly greater amount of energy than the standard K-12 student would. Greater interest, greater effort, and thus greater trustworthiness when it comes to our own academic well-being.
And it rocks hard!
~Paul
10 September 2005
THE PHOTONS ARE COMING, THE PHOTONS ARE COMING!
In a highly ambitious attempt to test out of my physical science class, I'm attempting to assimilate my textbook in time for the challenge test on Monday. This wouldn't be ambitous, but I didn't start reading ahead until today.
Now. We've all seen little videos or junior high textbooks try to give lay explanations of Einstein's work, trying to not fry the poor layperson's brain in the process. This is the first time I've gotten my hands on an academic explanation, more out of laziness than anything else.
Anyway. If I understand this correctly--IF I understand this correctly--light passes an object--regardless of the object's velocity--at the same speed, the speed of light. If you have a person on a train that is travelling near the speed of light, and lightning strikes the tracks behind the train, the person will see the event at "regular speed", that is, he won't see it in slow motion or anything like that as light from different phases of the strike catch up to him. The lightning will seem to occur at a normal rate from his perspective. He will, of course, see the lightning strike the tracks much later than someone who was standing by the tracks as they were struck (assuming the person who was standing by the tracks wasn't fried before he registered anything).
Now this is where my sanity explodes in a giant ball of flaming blue stuff and penguins bury it in a black hole. What about what the person on the train is seeing BEFORE he sees the lightning strikes the tracks? Let's say there is one second between the time the train passes over the spot where lightning will strike and the time at which the lightning actually strikes, and the train is travelling so fast that it takes the light from the strike a full ten seconds to catch up to the person on the train. What is he watching during those ten seconds? The sun was only bouncing photons off that spot on the tracks for one second before the lightning; one second's worth of photons. He watches this one second's supply of photons for a full ten seconds before he registers the lightning. The tracks can only reflect so many photons off in that one second; for the sake of having a random number to work with, let's say it bounces a thousand off in that second, and a thousand photons provide the view of the tracks at full luminosity. I know a thousand is way off, but that's not the point here. There is a record of the time between when the train passed and when the lightning struck, and that record is the thousand photons. Since the person on the train is being hit with light at the same speed as he would were he standing still, he's not watching that one second in slow motion. It doesn't look really dark, so he's getting the full thousand photons required per second to show the scene at full lighting. But he's collecting a thousand photons per second for TEN SECONDS, for a total of TEN THOUSAND PHOTONS of the pre-strike tracks before he registers the lightning strike. The tracks only reflected ONE thousand photons after the train passed but before the lightning struck. WHERE THE FREAK ARE THE EXTRA PHOTONS COMING FROM?
Emmett, please, please, please, PLEASE tell me that I've made some MAJOR error here, or that there's a perfectly reasonable explanation, like photons being imported from another universe, because this question is DESTROYING my SANITY! AGH!
Anyway, it's back to reading my whole textbook. Thank you and good night.
--Paul
P.S. THE PENGUINS ARE COMING, THE PENGUINS ARE COMING!
Now. We've all seen little videos or junior high textbooks try to give lay explanations of Einstein's work, trying to not fry the poor layperson's brain in the process. This is the first time I've gotten my hands on an academic explanation, more out of laziness than anything else.
Anyway. If I understand this correctly--IF I understand this correctly--light passes an object--regardless of the object's velocity--at the same speed, the speed of light. If you have a person on a train that is travelling near the speed of light, and lightning strikes the tracks behind the train, the person will see the event at "regular speed", that is, he won't see it in slow motion or anything like that as light from different phases of the strike catch up to him. The lightning will seem to occur at a normal rate from his perspective. He will, of course, see the lightning strike the tracks much later than someone who was standing by the tracks as they were struck (assuming the person who was standing by the tracks wasn't fried before he registered anything).
Now this is where my sanity explodes in a giant ball of flaming blue stuff and penguins bury it in a black hole. What about what the person on the train is seeing BEFORE he sees the lightning strikes the tracks? Let's say there is one second between the time the train passes over the spot where lightning will strike and the time at which the lightning actually strikes, and the train is travelling so fast that it takes the light from the strike a full ten seconds to catch up to the person on the train. What is he watching during those ten seconds? The sun was only bouncing photons off that spot on the tracks for one second before the lightning; one second's worth of photons. He watches this one second's supply of photons for a full ten seconds before he registers the lightning. The tracks can only reflect so many photons off in that one second; for the sake of having a random number to work with, let's say it bounces a thousand off in that second, and a thousand photons provide the view of the tracks at full luminosity. I know a thousand is way off, but that's not the point here. There is a record of the time between when the train passed and when the lightning struck, and that record is the thousand photons. Since the person on the train is being hit with light at the same speed as he would were he standing still, he's not watching that one second in slow motion. It doesn't look really dark, so he's getting the full thousand photons required per second to show the scene at full lighting. But he's collecting a thousand photons per second for TEN SECONDS, for a total of TEN THOUSAND PHOTONS of the pre-strike tracks before he registers the lightning strike. The tracks only reflected ONE thousand photons after the train passed but before the lightning struck. WHERE THE FREAK ARE THE EXTRA PHOTONS COMING FROM?
Emmett, please, please, please, PLEASE tell me that I've made some MAJOR error here, or that there's a perfectly reasonable explanation, like photons being imported from another universe, because this question is DESTROYING my SANITY! AGH!
Anyway, it's back to reading my whole textbook. Thank you and good night.
--Paul
P.S. THE PENGUINS ARE COMING, THE PENGUINS ARE COMING!
07 September 2005
I'm Such A Nerd
Throughout elementary school, junior high, and high school, no one was ever able to give me a decent definition of plasma. It was the fourth stage of matter; this, I knew. It went along with solid, liquid, and gas. I was told that it was high in energy. 99% of matter in the universe is plasma. But no one, not even the fabled Doctor Stone, gave me a definition I liked. Actually, I'm not sure I asked Doctor Stone. He probably could've. Come to think of it, Emmett probably could've told me, too. Anyway. I had a slight fascination with plasma, perhaps in part because no one would define it properly for me. Well, and there was the high energy thing. You know, big explosions.
: D
And then, I finally took a physical science class here in college that is a combination of physics, chemistry, geology, and astronomy. Seeing as plasma is the main matter involved in astronomy, and they're also teaching physics and chemistry, they HAD to give me a good definition. Woot.
And so I finally got my definition. Plasma is matter that has been so charged with energy that the electrons and nuclei become completely disassociated from each other, shooting about randomly and independently. Delicious chaos.
After thinking about this, I realized that this definition made plasma intrinsically different from the other three phases of matter with which I'm familiar. They all depend on the way their atoms or molecules sit with other atoms or molecules. In solids, they are tightly locked in position and don't move at all. Well, a little, but not much. In liquids, they are still rather close, but the atoms and molecules can slide past each other. In a gas, the atoms and molecules are far apart and speed around at uber velocities, exerting relatively little force on each other. Plasma, however, does not depend on the links between atoms or molecules. Plasma is formed when the atoms are ripped apart. Plasma is more like a perfect ion than anything else.
So, I thought about how this makes plasma different. First of all, the destruction of the traditional atom makes it completely alien to what comes to mind when humans think of the physical world. Plasma isn't something we can feel and touch; plasma is in fire, in lightning. To touch plasma is to lose your nerve endings. On a slightly more scientific note, plasma cannot exist in compounds. There is no plasma form of water, or milk, or anything like that. All these things are formed by the bonds between atoms of different elements. Those bonds do not exist in plasma. Plasma can only exist as basic elements, and it doesn't even behave as we would expect those elements to behave. Because plasma has no nuclei-electron bonds, it left entirely to the whims of electromagnetic forces and random chaos.
Summary: I found out that plasma is different than the other three stages of matter and spent a lot of time thinking about it. Then, while writing this, I did some research about plasma and ended up reading about antihydrogen and all manner of good stuff about an hour later.
Conclusion: This is SO much cooler than football. 8-)
: D
And then, I finally took a physical science class here in college that is a combination of physics, chemistry, geology, and astronomy. Seeing as plasma is the main matter involved in astronomy, and they're also teaching physics and chemistry, they HAD to give me a good definition. Woot.
And so I finally got my definition. Plasma is matter that has been so charged with energy that the electrons and nuclei become completely disassociated from each other, shooting about randomly and independently. Delicious chaos.
After thinking about this, I realized that this definition made plasma intrinsically different from the other three phases of matter with which I'm familiar. They all depend on the way their atoms or molecules sit with other atoms or molecules. In solids, they are tightly locked in position and don't move at all. Well, a little, but not much. In liquids, they are still rather close, but the atoms and molecules can slide past each other. In a gas, the atoms and molecules are far apart and speed around at uber velocities, exerting relatively little force on each other. Plasma, however, does not depend on the links between atoms or molecules. Plasma is formed when the atoms are ripped apart. Plasma is more like a perfect ion than anything else.
So, I thought about how this makes plasma different. First of all, the destruction of the traditional atom makes it completely alien to what comes to mind when humans think of the physical world. Plasma isn't something we can feel and touch; plasma is in fire, in lightning. To touch plasma is to lose your nerve endings. On a slightly more scientific note, plasma cannot exist in compounds. There is no plasma form of water, or milk, or anything like that. All these things are formed by the bonds between atoms of different elements. Those bonds do not exist in plasma. Plasma can only exist as basic elements, and it doesn't even behave as we would expect those elements to behave. Because plasma has no nuclei-electron bonds, it left entirely to the whims of electromagnetic forces and random chaos.
Summary: I found out that plasma is different than the other three stages of matter and spent a lot of time thinking about it. Then, while writing this, I did some research about plasma and ended up reading about antihydrogen and all manner of good stuff about an hour later.
Conclusion: This is SO much cooler than football. 8-)
06 September 2005
SCREAMING IN AGONY
SCREAMING IN AGONY
A Simple And Practical Guide To Choosing A Major
by Paul Astin
Your major is a very important part of your college experience; so much so, in fact, that when meeting other students or adults who know you’re attending college, the first question you’re asked—even before your name—is “What’s your major?” Linguistic purists may attempt to show their superiority by instead asking the more correct “What are you majoring in?” Should you encounter such a person, sprint in the other direction, or beat them off with your CD collection. Pop, rap, and country CDs are particularly effective.
If you do answer either form of the question, judgments will immediately be made concerning your character, and people around you will act accordingly. Should you declare yourself a math or science major of any sort, you will immediately be invited to study groups, as you are apparently very smart and more than used to doing the jocks’ homework after they beat you up and take your lunch money. If you declare yourself an Engineering major, it is assumed you are male and will be making lots of money. Prepare to be stalked by desperate females, and jocks who want you to do their homework. There is also a BYU-specific major that serves as an equivalent to the Engineering major, but for girls; it is assumed that a woman majoring in Marriage, Family, and Human Development has no interest whatsoever in education; she is here to find a hot guy. She should prepare to be stalked by creepy males. Should you say that you’re majoring in Philosophy, you will experience a long, awkward silence. If you listen closely enough, you can hear your social life yelling for help as it is flushed down a toilet.
The absolute worst answer, however, is to say that you are an open major. If you say this, everyone around you will know that you are timid, indecisive, scared, and wasting your parent’s money at college. People will assume that you hide in your dorm room playing pinball on your computer, only emerging into the bright light to eat in the cafeteria and to go to general ed classes. Other freshmen who know exactly where their life is going, including but not limited to their major, all their classes, their entire career, how many millions they’ll make annually, when they’ll get married and who they’re marrying, when their first child will be born, what college their children are going to, when they’ll have their midlife crisis, and when they’ll retire, will look down on you and avoid the poor, foolish loser. Open majors. Pfeh.
As you can see, it is important to pick the right major, and to pick it NOW, before ANYONE knows that you’re an open major. This is, admittedly, a very hard process known to cause catatonia in freshmen. You, however, have this unique and valuable guide, made by a clueless student for other, equally clueless students!
PAUL’S PATENTED STEP-BY-STEP PICK-YOUR-UBER-MAJOR-NOW PROCESS
Step 1: Get a list of all the majors at your university. Print out two copies of this list and set one aside. You will need the spare later.
Step 2: Look at the list and consider each major. Cross out anything that you have no chance of going into. Keep in mind that freshmen have no idea what they’re going to; because of this, you have to expand your criteria a bit to take into account that you’re useless and ignorant. For example, if you have absolutely no interest in biology, and have never taken a biology course, or if you have taken a biology course and unequivocally hated every second of it, you would normally cross it off the list. Knowing, however, that you’re probably wrong, you should only cross of biology as a major if you have never, and probably will never, encounter anything that has a biological system. By the same token, only eliminate engineering if you have never been near a building, music if you are absolutely deaf and dumb, humanities if you’ve never met one, and psychology if you haven’t learned to discern between yourself and other people, et cetera. Viciously slash philosophy out; it isn’t worth it.
Step 3: Now eliminate any major that doesn’t lead to a job you may find enjoyable. Keep in mind that many jobs, such as engineer, nurse, or architect, absolutely require a major in that specific field. Any other job besides those three either requires grad school, in which case your major doesn’t matter, or can be obtained with any major. If you haven’t already, apply a slightly diluted acid to the area of the paper where “Philosophy” is hiding under all the ink blotches.
Step 4: Look through the list and highlight those that you would enjoy now. For example, if you enjoy reading your English textbook, highlight English. If you think people are interesting to observe, highlight Psychology. Slash out everything you’ve highlighted. Majoring in it would only make you hate it, so why ruin a good thing?
Step 5: After eliminating all majors that don’t apply to at least one person on your planet (step 2), those that don’t lead to some sort of job (step 3), and anything you actually enjoy (step 4), examine the classes required to receive a degree in each remaining major. Your list should be fairly small by now, perhaps around ninety or so possibilities. Attempt to plan out your next two years worth of classes, taking all the basic courses for each major you are still considering. After experiencing the basic level material for each of the few majors you may enjoy, you should be able to “get a feel” for which one truly suits you.
Step 6: Realize that you’ve booked your next four semesters with 178 credit hours each. Realize that a week only has 168 hours. Cry.
Step 7: Retrieve the extra copy of the list of majors. Put it on your dorm’s tack board. Throw a dart at it. Whatever it lands on is your new major. Commence asking people, in a very smug voice, what their major is.
Now, wasn’t that easy? You may be somewhat concerned that you just picked a major using a completely random process; don’t worry, that’s how all majors are initially selected. You’ll find your REAL major after switching your field of study six times, wasting thirty-five thousand dollars in tuition, having several mental breakdowns, and finally being bullied into something your advisement counselor’s Magic 8 Ball says you’d be good at. Until you feel those mental breakdowns coming on, however, feel free to avoid study, because the classes you’re taking have absolutely NO relevance to where you’ll end up.
Open major, in catatonia, and proud of it! 8-)
~Paul
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