A Coherent And Rational Explanation

There's another post I want to do. I had the coolest experience the other night. I will post concerning that. However, first I feel compelled to dispel the aura of inscrutable insanity around my last post and explain what was going through my head as I wrote it. You may shudder in fear at the prospects of such a cache of knowledge, an insight into my bizarreness, but I'm going to post it anyway, and later today I'll move onto more interesting things. Just bear with me here, nod and smile, and read the next post. It would also be good to open up my last post in another browser so I don't have to copy the entire text into this one.

The first eyebrow-raising comment comes in the second paragraph, when I begin talking to myself. I would like to point out that this instance of talking to myself was done not because I believed I would answer or some such, but I was at the time feeling a strong urge to speak in a twisted manner.

Second, there is a notable lack of real information on any of my classes. This stems from an obligation to say something about them coupled with an intense desire to not think about these classes at the time. The exception to this rule is creative writing, where the motivating cause behind the comment (which is a rather oblique dodge, I think) is that I did not and still do not know the state of Maren's English classes and didn't want to go ranting on about my creative writing class when her beloved English may still be in danger from all the idiot bureaucrats at Weber.

Concerning the next instance of talking to myself, it gives the passage a circular feel. I got into writing about my classes talking to myself, I'll get out of it talking to myself. When that topic has come full circle, or more likely, is going in circles, it's time to ditch it and move on.

The sidenote on the tiny green composition notebook was inspired by the tiny green composition notebook that sits on my shelf right next to my stuffed naked mole rat, my scripture marking pencils/pen, and the framed photo of Chris, his sisters, and myself standing next to a fire truck at Stadium of Fire in Provo. This tiny green composition notebook can, in fact, fit just about anywhere. I made that comment, however, to chide myself for not having done anything with this extremely useful and very blank tiny green composition notebook. It has, after all, been sitting there all through last semester and thus far this semester. It's begging to be used, yet I haven't come up with anything for it yet. Chide chide, Paul.

*headesk*: This is a fairly universal comment with me, inspired by the constant angst. By the way, go look up the actual meaning of angst. No, not in the dictionary. That will likely have the modern definition, "dread or anxiety" or something like that. Go look it up in the original context of existential angst. The reason this angst expresses itself as a *headesk*, though, is that it is usually near impossible or at least more trouble than it's worth to write a small essay explaining my feelings.

Concerning lucidity, I think it hardly need be said that my lucidity was already long gone. The first spelling error was an actual mistake, and it just flowed from there.

And then we come to the infamous penguin comment. The focus on penguins arose from a recent experience with a game. In this game, there is a spell called "Summon Creature I." Traditionally, this summons a dire badger to help the character. In this particular map I was playing, however, the spell had been modified so that using the spell summoned a penguin. After I nearly died laughing, I discovered that it was a rather good little attack penguin, and had a healing spell to boot. The comment on chihuahuas came from changing "penguin" to "chihuahua" out of a deep-seated desire for obfuscation, and the comment on whether or not I spelled ostrich correctly was inspired by the fact that I wasn't sure whether I had spelled chihuahua anywhere close to correctly.

The next (rather scary) paragraph came because I knew no one would find the slightest bit of sense in anything I'd said the entire post, although it all made sense to me. It bugs me when I know this to be the case. Yes, I do a lot of stuff that is weird. Yes, I do even purposely shroud a lot of what I write, especially poetry and insane rants, so that it's hard to understand. But when I try to make sense, people generally still think I'm just ranting insanely. I'm not.

The monkies flying comment. Remember when we were in the car, coming back from Chronicles of Narnia, and I said something about "this is where the monkey floats by on a flying island" or something and threw in a comment about black helicopters? Remember how Emmett asked if that me saying that disturbs anyone, and we determined that Maren at least is desensitized to my weirdness? Remember before we went to Chronicles of Narnia, we were at Dick's to use the ATM, and I made a comment that the music video to Feel Good INC, which was playing on the radio at the time, is really really weird? Remember how Feel Good INC was playing when I made the comment on the flying monkeys after Narnia? The music video to Feel Good INC has flying islands with windmills and monkeys/gorillas on said island singing and black helicopters chasing them. This is the sum of what I meant by the whole flying monkey thing. I meant to emphasize that Feel Good INC has a weird music video.

AND IT LEADS INTO A QUESTION ABOUT WHETHER PEOPLE ARE SCARED WHEN I OPEN MY MOUTH.

And the mind reading thing. In keeping with my desire for obfuscation and seclusion, the freakiest thing ever would be to be around people capable of invasive telepathy, aka mind reading. I'm not sure about being a mind reader, though, because it could go either way. On one hand, it would make dealing with people much more comfortable because I'll always know what they expect out of me and what their state of being is. It might also be horrible because people are often pretty twisted and I may not want to be privy to all the cacophany in everyone's minds.

And the logic/twisted logic comment: It was right. On some level, every human action can be chalked up to some sort of internal reasoning, conscious or begging further analysis to discover the genesis of the action. We do not act randomly. When someone seems to be acting randomly, it merely means that their original desires and line of reasoning differ greatly from our own, and possibly include a desire to act randomly or to hide one's mind from others. And the next comment, concerning whether I like it or not--it would be so much more simple if I really was acting randomly and without reasonable thought, because the required state of mind to act like this and have it be the most logical option is simply not found in healthy, sane people.

There. I've explicated previous post. I anticipate very little response to this post. People generally don't respond to me when I'm freaking out. They turn to the person next to me and ask if I've taken my meds.

~StraightJacket